Guest Post and a Contest: Mari L. McCarthy

Morphing the Critic into a Coach

By Mari L. McCarthy

Many of us are all too aware of our Inner Critic, that inner voice that sneers and scolds, the superego that drives us mercilessly. The voice can be tyrannical and, even though it comes from our own minds, it can destroy confidence and even happiness. 

If your Inner Critic has the upper hand, you will want to regain control as fast as possible because it's seriously unhealthy to let it have all the power. You must find a way to silence it or you won't have a moment of peace.

Nonetheless, we can say that the Inner Critic, when properly leashed, serves a useful purpose. We are not yet perfect, so it's appropriate that we remind ourselves now and again that it would be good to improve. The fact that we have this conscience as part of our basic makeup is pretty fabulous. It's an inner monitor that ensures we don't just sink into laziness and uncaring.

So how to keep a good balance between the torturous Inner Critic and the one that's actually healthy? One excellent way I know is to journal.

The reason journaling works so well is that it takes your endlessly circular inner thinking and puts it on the page, where you can look at it far more objectively. If you use your journal to examine what that nasty Critic is saying, or to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him, or to tell her off – then you're able to break the cycles of inner chatter and move on.

You can also use your journal to create and build your Inner Coach. This is the persona – a being you can readily envision – who lives in your journal and believes in you more than anyone. Everything the Inner Coach says and does is to appreciate and encourage you.

You might think of the Critic and the Coach as separate, but really they are two faces of the same inner impulse to be, grow, and do. I don't know why, but we tend to hide the Coach's face most of the time. In journal writing, you can work consciously to turn that helpful face to the light.

As you quote the Inner Critic and describe its barbs in writing, you can start to see how it is not such a good leader if we're looking for peace and happiness. You can begin to describe the opposite of that Critic, and let your Coach evolve. When there is at least equality between the two, you can use them to achieve balance in your life. What do they each say at any given time? Which one do you choose to listen to? Can you take bits of advice from each and combine for a perfect solution?

Journaling lets you do this kind of envisioning, dialog, and analysis to arrive at a You that is more calm and in control. It's a real-world application that lets us make sense of our crazy minds!

Mari L. McCarthy is The Journaling Therapy Specialist, founder of Create Write Now and Journaling for the Health of It™. Mari offers guidance, counseling and encouragement to writers through her many journaling eBooks and in private Journaling Jumpstart consultations. Mari’s next Start Journaling and Change Your Life in 7 Days Challenge will be June 4-10 http://www.createwritenow.com/start-journaling-workbook. Please join her!

For more about the Inner Critic and Inner Coach, please read these articles.

Book Review

By Rita Ackerman 

This workbook opens with the reasons people are attracted to journaling and introduces ways to make journaling a part of the reader's life.

Mari introduces collage, ways to get past the blank page, and projects to get your mindset geared to being a writer.

The spiral-bound version would be the most inspiring with it's bright colors and fun pages but the eBook version will also get any person ready to write. There are links to prompts sure to end blank page syndrome.

Mari introduces ways to use your daily life and imagination to gather ideas and keep the pen moving.

I feel enthused to get going on my journal and look forward to being a part of Mari's workshop on June 4.

To win an eBook copy of Start Journaling and Change Your LIfe in 7 Days

by Mari L. McCarthy leave a comment to this

post before Sunday, May 20. That evening I will choose a winner

and let Mari know. Please be sure I can contact you.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

 Chase Field (Formerly Bank One Ball Park or BOB) in downtown Phoenix. When this building was first built people came from all over the world to see how they constructed the roof that completely opens. It was closed when we arrived.

We had very good seats, right behind the Diamondbacks dugout.

There was always lots of fun things and excitement.

 Alex learned to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" last year and his voice sang in my head all evening. We had popcorn and pretzels and soda pop. And even a bag of cotton candy.

Part way through the game they opened the roof. It was so quite we didn't even know it until somebody yelled out.

Even with all the excitement and being in a section of expensive seats (ours were gifts) there were people texting through the entire game.

Sadly the D-Backs lost to the San Francisco Giants but it was a great time out. We waited for awhile for the crowd to subside and then walked around the stadium so I could get a photo of the pool on the opposite side from where we sat. Pretty Cool, Huh?

I never went to games as a kid. My first games were football and basketball in junior and senior high school. When they sang out "Let's Go D-Backs" I kept hearing "Let's Go East High."

Memories are everywhere.

Remember When: Backgrounds

When I look at photographs of ancestors or other historical photos I spend a lot of time looking at the background. The way the people lived and the details of their lives.

Do you remember slumber parties? Are they still as popular as they were when I was young? This photo is probably around 1968 or 1969.

I remember the girls in this photo but what I'm enjoying most is remembering my room. There's a hamster cage. I don't remember the hamster. Above that is the little pink jewelry box Mom got me at the Woolworths in Great Bend, Kansas after a bad time at the dentist.

There's a white plastic clamshell box I still have. On top of the TV is a ceramic critter that I will write more about later. I don't know where we got that old TV but I do remember watching "The Lloyd Thaxton Show," "Hullabaloo" and many others. That blue phonograph played many an album and singles. I'm sure the "Meet the Beatles" album is hiding on the rack.

My how I'm loving these memories. Have you looked back at your own photos lately? Have you looked at the details that are full of memories in themselves?

It also makes me happy to think this blog is helping me share my memories with my daughter and if the technology allows my grandchildren as they get older. Oh, how I wish my ancestors had blogs.

It's Not What You Expect

How could anybody resist a book that starts out like this:

"I had just come to accept that my life would be ordinary when extraordinary things began to happen."

Or a book that has descriptions like this:

"Then I came around back (of the old, abandoned house) and saw my opportunity: a doorless doorway, bearded with vines, gaping and black; an open mouth just waiting to swallow me."

When a friend sent me the trailer for "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children" I had no idea of the adventure I was going to take through this book of odd old photos and haunting writing. Two of my favorite things.

I was at Barnes & Noble and one of the booksellers saw the book in my hand and he said, "It's not what you expect." I said I had read the back cover and he shook his head, "It STILL isn't what you expect." He couldn't have put it better.

After I finished the book I started doing research on the book and the author, Ransom Riggs. In his quest to do the trailer he met with an urban explorer (something else that fascinates me) overseas to find the perfect locations for filming.

That led me to another amazing video:

I'm hooked. I can't wait for the sequel and the movie.

We haven't heard the last of this book or its author.

Remember When: Mother's Day

In March my Mother would have turned 89. It's so hard to imagine her at that age. She passed away in May 1990 when she was just 67 years old.

I'm working on trying to write down my memories of Mom. My daughter was only 10 when we lost her Nana and she doesn't remember a lot.

My great niece and nephew and the grandkids: I want them to know the funny little things that Mom did.

Mom always worked hard. She was a single-mother for as long as I remember and her pride kept her busy making our small home as nice and clean as possible.

I do remember going to the Crest Theater in Great Bend, Kansas with her. We saw "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" there. Still one of my all-time favorite children's movies. We also saw "Bambi" and I remember having the soundtrack record. Such beautiful music.

One movie that stands out in my mind was "The Greatest Story Ever Told" about the life of Jesus. I remember a close-up of the blue eyed man who played the lead roll and how his face filled that entire screen. I didn't know eyes could look like that. I was about 9 years old.

I brought this cactus home from Mom's house and every year about this time it blooms. It is so beautiful and of course makes me think of Mom and her gardens and her love of flowers.

I miss you Mom. You gave me so much and now you continue to give to the next generations.

Tell us about going to the theater or other special memories of your Mom. 

The Ballet

I have always been amazed when watching ballet - only on television or movies. I've never been to a ballet - until this weekend.

My friend's son is graduating this year from the Scottsdale School of Ballet. Her daughter graduated two years ago, before I knew them.

When she told me about the school's performance at the Herberger Theater in downtown Phoenix I knew I had to go and since it was another friend's birthday . . . we were off to the ballet.

I couldn't take pictures of the performance but it was amazing. All the way from the little kids playing mice and puppies to the advanced students. Andrew, the graduate, was amazing. I had no idea how powerful ballet could be in person. His sister, Amy, although a former graduate had a part too and she was great.

The excitement of theater and being downtown is intoxicating.

These are some of the lights in the area surrounding

the theater and other downtown venues.

I love taking "experimental" photos like this.

Some of the excitement on the street.

Congratulations to Andrew, Amy and all the dancers of the Scottsdale School of Ballet.

Back Through Time and Family

 Last summer I found a clue in an old newspaper that stated a relative of my husband had been killed by lightening near Miami, Arizona. I wouldn't thought too much about this article because it was about a John Martin but I did glance through it and saw an Overdeer as a relative. That name isn't common, especially in Arizona so I knew I had somebody from my husband's family.

I followed through on John Martin and learned his parents were from Washington and actually buried in the Pleasant Valley Cemetery near Goldendale. When I got up to Washington my daughter and I took a day to drive down and visit with her ancestors. Not only did we find her great, great, great grandparents stones but we learned other information from the local historical society.

I've continue the search and learned a couple of weeks ago that Jessica's fourth great grandparents are buried in Yakima. A cemetery she had visited often with no idea she had family buried there.

The names of the people buried in Yakima are Joseph and Mary Jane Remley. The Remleys lived in a different county than the Martins and I don't know yet how the families came together but we now have a new place to research.

Who would have thought that when my daughter met her husband and chose to move to south central Washington she would be living in the same place as her own ancestors. Monday Jessica and Matt went out to the cemetery and took photos which they haven't sent yet but just knowing there is that connection is touching.

As I watch "Who Do You Think You Are" each week I'm amazed at how these celebrities find their ancestors and the serendipitous events that occur for them. I am also often surprised by their emotional reactions. I think Jessica is feeling a bit of that connection to her own forebears.

Remember When: Hollyhocks

I just went out to trim back some dead hollyhocks. I planted a whole packet of seeds and there are two about ready to bloom.

I think.

One reason I'm so interested in growing hollyhocks is this photo of my Great Grandmother Nellie and her sister Laura.

Those are some serious hollyhocks.

This photo was taken in Fowler, Kansas. A tiny town in the southwestern part of the state. My 2nd Great Grandfather, John Riley Keith brought his family to this area from Illinois via covered wagon. Nellie was about 7 years old.

When we watch movies on tv or read about history it always seems like so long ago. That the things that we're watching don't really have a connection to us. But, I remember Nellie, she died when I was 10. I have pictures of a little me with her. Laura died in January 1930.

Those wagon train days aren't so far off.

I wish I'd been older or knew to ask more questions before Nellie left us. Now all those stories are gone. 

I'm doing my best to reconstruct the history. To learn about my ancestors and to even grow the same flowers.

How do you link to your past?

Art Journal

I am taking my second on-line class with Kelly Kilmer. My friend Barbara has taken numerous in-person classes with her and helps to make these on-line classes more personal. Even without that I am loving what and how Kelly teaches. This class is Journey Within: Guide to Unlocking Your Creativity Within.
We started out by gutting and then rebinding a hardcover book. That's mine on top decorated with duct tape, wall paper and punched paper.

Here's the spine. It's amazing how easy this all is when you have a wonderful teacher.

Here's the inside cover with more paper and tape and the first page waiting for journaling and other pen work.

 I tend to get side-tracked easily but I'm steadily working on this journal and will share more over time. In the meantime, go get to know Kelly and her wonderful journal pages and classes.

Friends Over Time

It's funny sometimes how people, friends, come and go in our lives. When my husband was in high school his step-dad worked for New York Life Insurance Company. One of Lee's fellow agents was Wyatt Earp. Really and truly.

We got to know Wyatt again after we got into Old West writing and re-enacting as Wyatt performs plays written by his wonderful wife, Terry.

Many years ago as I was first getting into genealogy and very active in the Family History Society of Arizona I met Phyllis. Phyllis moved on and we lost touch but happened across each other through her job at Barnes & Noble.

Also in my active genealogy days I became friends with Suzanne who it turned out was my high school English teacher.

We all met at a luncheon hosted by Phyllis and the many book discussion groups she leads. Wyatt and Terry performed "Mr. and Mrs. Wyatt Earp" and Suzanne was one of my guests.

This all makes me appreciate the people I've known over the years, some I still see, others' I don't but may again one day. I appreciate the opportunities I have to be in organizations such as the genealogy club and book discussion groups. I appreciate these people who go out of their way to make these meetings happen.

Ain't Live Grand?

(Sorry Suzanne.)

Sunday in Tempe

Sunday we met my in-laws in Tempe for the birthday dinners. On the way Doug and I dropped a copy of my book off at the Tempe Public Library where it will be a part of the collection.
They had one of those wonderful sale rooms and I bought three large print books (total: $1.50) to cut up in to "found poetry" and to decorate some of my artwork.

By the time I got them home I decided I had to read them first. Are there ever too many books to read?

After killing some time at the library we visited this guy in front of Joe's Crab Shack near Arizona Mills Mall. Apparently this was once a Rusty Pelican and they kept this smile provoking guy at the front door.

With my current love of birds I had to take a few different poses of him.  

I was carrying my good Nikon and really looking to take lots of pictures.

I didn't get any photos of dinner. We all had big buckets of crab, shrimp, lobster clams and mussels. Seafood heaven. The carnage was not a pretty sight.

We had fun and very colorful visit.

Poetry Month

I've never been much for reading poetry or writing it but this week the co-leader for my Writers Inspiration Group had us writing away; for National Poetry Month.

First she had us write six sentences or phrases about something to do with nature. I was thinking about a conversation with my grandson about saguaro cacti.

Holes in the saguaro
Made by cactus wrens, flitting about
Nests on top of each other, year after year
Chirping babies singing
Condominiums - cactus condos

Then we had to write it down to the American haiku of  syllables: 5 - 7 - 5 (Well close anyway.)

Cactus Wrens

Cactus wrens flitting
Saguaro filled with chirping birds
Cactus condominiums

Then we just wrote a story type poem:

Questions

Sometimes my grandson amazes me
with his insights into the world.
Sometimes he asks questions
about cacti or dragons or ants on the street.
Sometimes he makes a joke.
Like the other day,
"Grammy, do you know what?"
"No," I say.
"I love you."

Not great poetry or maybe even good but its a start. There is certainly lots of meaning.

Now it's your turn.

Remember When: Big Move

I was born in a tiny town in Kansas and grew up in a somewhat larger town about 80 miles away. My sister moved to Denver with her husband in about 1962 or 1963 and that was the only time I had been out of my home state; as far as I know.

After my grandfather died my grandmother decided to move to Phoenix, Arizona to be near one of my uncles.

In 1967 Mom decided we should join them. We loaded up everything we could in a Hertz trailer which mom pulled all the way to Arizona behind our car. A larger tiger cat, a small dog and a very reluctant teenager in tow. This photo was taken at the hotel we stopped at in New Mexico. Mom decided to give the cat a part of one of her Valium because he wouldn't settle down in the hotel room. All night long we could hear the cat get up and fall down and the dog sit by the bathroom door whining because he was worried about his animal buddy.

We'd never travelled much, only to my sisters in Denver and my grandparents or aunt and uncle near Dodge City, Kansas. I don't think I'd ever stayed in a hotel so that experience was exciting to me.

However, at thirteen years old moving to another place was not on my agenda. I'll never forget when we arrived in Phoenix and I saw the palm trees and a bank in Tempe that looked like a giant turtle. Exotic for sure. But not enough for leaving my friends and school behind. We arrived in town on Easter Day.

I spent a lot of time hating where we lived and wanting to be back with my friends in Kansas. Things didn't go so well with mom as jobs weren't as plentiful as she hoped.

At one point we lived at this hotel, the Stagecoach Inn, on Van Buren Street.

Mom was the manager so we lived in that building right in front. Those windows were the lobby and our apartment was behind that with a door that opened from our living room to the lobby. There were two swimming pools and kitchenettes in the back where many families in transit lived.

That was a pretty exciting time. I think I lived in the pools.

The Stagecoach Inn is long gone but it has a place in my memory.

Did your family ever make  major move? Were you happy or sad about the change.

Happy Birthday

Today is my husband's birthday. We've been married 35 years.

Since you've all seen many photos of me as a child I thought you might like to see some of Doug.

 That's Doug's mother in the background. Her birthday is this week too. We will all be going to Joe's Crab Shack on Sunday to celebrate.

Here's Doug in Tombstone a few years ago.

And both of us at another Tombstone event.

One of the greatest things about being married this long is sharing memories.

Happy Birthday Doug.

Remember When: The Yellow Dress

As I've worked to get in the habit of blogging and doing other writing projects I'm thinking more and more about writing my memories for my kids and my own personal growth.

Part of this project is to get all my photographs scanned and identified. I figure I will also weed out some of the photographs that won't mean anything to the future and I probably won't remember many of them anyway. These are things that just need to be done.

Barbara and I were talking over our art journals one day and she described a dress she had when she was seven or eight years old. Yellow with a lacy over dress and small collar and puffy sleeves. It was like a slap in the face because I had a dress just like that but hadn't remembered it in years. Especially the yellow part.

I believe this is that dress which I wore at about 7 1/2 That's my sister and Grandma Jennie.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile will remember "Tuesdays With Rita" which came about through an Internet art group. I tried to bring up memories and suggest topics for readers to write about. I'm going to continue that but now I'm calling it "Remember When."

I hope these writings spur memories just like Barbara's mention of the yellow dress. I hope you will take the time to write them down before they disappear into the dark reaches again.

Your memories matter write them down.

Strange Stuff

One of the wonderful things about doing a blog . . . at least for me, is how it makes me more aware of my surroundings. I notice more. Also, I make a point of remembering more things. Or at least trying. I really need to develop the habit of writing things down because by the end of the day I do forget things.

Yesterday I had to run by the doctor's office to pick up a prescription I'd left there. The office is right next to a hospital. I thought it really strange as I pulled into the parking lot to see a fire truck and paramedics with lights flashing in front of one of the other medical buildings. The hospital is right there, then I remembered this is just a small community type hospital and not a high level trauma center. I still wonder if that hospital might have been easier than dealing with the paramedics and transport. I did see them leave with lights and sirens going.

The next thing that struck me as kind of strange was in the ladies room at the local bookstore. There on the wall in black marker was a quote from Edgar Allen Poe:

And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

I guess if you are going to write on the wall in a bookstore bathroom it is good to at least be literary.

I know there was a third thing that struck me funny but, alas, I've forgotten it so I found a few fun photos from my files.

Have a great day!

Lettering

I am taking Joanne Sharpe's Letter Love art journaling class. It actually ran in February but with the wonderful use of videos and pdfs the class remains open.

Joanne Sharp

Here's a couple of the pages I have done for this class.

The first one she suggested using pan pastels but since I don't have any I used chalks and rubbed them in really well with a rag. I'm very happy with how they turned out.

I still haven't gotten the knack of going from the top to the bottom of each space with all the letters.

This next one was a lot of fun using all types of markers.

I had so much fun I made postcards for each of the grandsons with their names. They seemed to like them although Jessica said one of them was pretty tattered by the time it got there.

I look forward to more lettering fun as I finish the class and go on to

"do it my way."

Thrift Store Finds

I love searching thrift stores. I try to make at least one a week. Sometimes I look at clothes and sometimes bags and purses. Mostly I look for stuff to art with.

Last week I found these wonderful buttons. I don't know which is most exciting . . . the buttons or the cards they come on.

My favorite is this bluebird. Isn't that a wonderful vintage card?

I'm sure many of my readers are asking what I will do with this?

Well, I could take it apart and use the buttons on something and the artwork in a collage. Or maybe put the whole thing on a mixed-media canvas or even in a Remains of the Day style journal like this one I made on Easter.

For now I'm just enjoying the nostalgic artwork.

Other recent thrift store finds have been silver plated spoons to decorate and add poetry words to, books to take apart and remake in to journals, upholstery fabric for journals and wall-hangings and journals and scrapbooking supplies.

Did I need any of this? No. But I did need the smiles these items caused. Life is made up of the little things, even if they come from a thrift store.